Ten years ago I was facing 2 surgeries, chronic pain, financial stress, and an epic battle with the VA (fighting for benefits). Things were so dark, in fact, that I pulled away from people and fell into a dark depression that was nothing short of black, choking quicksand. During that time I ALMOST ENDED MY LIFE, TWICE.
Fast forward ten years (this summer) and I found myself again facing two more surgeries, chronic pain, financial stresses that dwarf previous years, and another battle with the VA. This time, however, was much different. Suicide was the furthest thing from my mind, and instead I was focused on LIVING my life.
So what changed? What made this time around so different? Well, mental health recovery involves a number of factors (purpose, activity, accomplishments, hope, routine, exercise), but today I want to celebrate just one... Community!
It took me a lot of years to realize the importance of letting people "in". I started opening up more and surrounding myself with quality people. I realized that ASKING FOR HELP wasn't a sign of weakness but actually took strength. I released my guilt of judgement and I found a new purpose.
The stigma around depression and suicide almost killed me. Asking for help was seen as a weakness, but in fact, was the most difficult thing I HAD to do. And then came the guilt. But when I finally forgave myself and became comfortable with who I am, life opened up and the sun shone bright.
Releasing my own guilt allowed me to find the love of my life. And she accepts me for who I am, AND she accepts my scars. Meagan knows that my scars are what made me who I am today. She also accepts that without my struggles, I wouldn't be the man she has fallen in love with.
Suicide saved my life because I hit rock bottom and came out of that darkness with a new lease on life. Now, through public speaking, I get to share my story and help others who may be struggling.
If anyone reading this is struggling, find people who support you. Forgive yourself for whatever your shortcomings are, and then find community. Meagan did not save me or complete me... she accepted me as I am and she inspires me to be better. THAT is love. And I love this life. #vetconnect #theepicmile #rockcitychurch #KaylaSellersPhotography #suicideprevention #22aday